MEN WOMEN PERCEPTION N PURPOSE

MEN, WOMEN, PERCEPTION N PURPOSE

Here is Merton's response to a very spirited, detailed, interesting letter from a neat new DA friend.  In it, he answers questions from his friend which include:  "Do you think there is a gap between perception and reality?"  "Do you feel that men are more objective than women?" and "What is it you have spent your entire life trying to do?"

So, this should be a pretty interesting letter for you, friends and readers.  Perhaps it will encourage you to think about (and even respond about) your own answers to these questions.  They are good questions.

Peace to all!

Merton

__________________________

My dear new friend,

That was an interesting and spirited message, full of many thoughts, personality and humor.  I will do my best to answer.

You asked:

"Do you think there is a gap between perception and reality?"

Well, probably so.  Another friend brought up this point in a recent dialogue.  We only experience reality through our perceptions, and there are so many different perceptions that one wonders what reality really is!  Of course, I feel, in my current spiritual view, that we are linked (through Jung's underground river... his collective unconscious) and that we are (further than that) in actuality, one.  Now it it is really hard for we humans, in our earth incarnation, to wrap our minds around that.  We will, probably, no matter what, see ourselves (and God, too) as separate, at least on some level, even if we say we believe that we, the world and God are one.  

So, we are left with our individual, idiosyncratic perception of ourselves, the world, and reality.  We see through our own, "individual" eyes, which are  clouded with our emotions, baggage (or "stuff" as is said in psycho-speak).  Probably, one cannot get away from that, no matter how evolved we would like to be, or like to think of our selves as being.

You asked:

"Do you feel that men are more objective than women?" and then proceeded to fill in some background info associated with this question.

Well, I do think in general that men are very different than women.  Perhaps it is how we are socialized, but I think there are probably brain chemistry, hormonal, spiritual, cell memory, and past life residue differences too.  

Here are some major differences:

I think men are very visual, sexually, and women find other things more erotic.  I think that men tend to think very point A to point B.  I observe that women tend to discuss things in circles, whooshing about and going all over the place.  By the end of women's conversations, a given topic has been fully fleshed out, with all of its related topics covered, too.  I believe in general, men find this tedious and incomprehensible.  

I am an artisty, reasonably masculine (yet high feminine energy) gay man, in terms of my creativity, nurturing tendencies, thought style, etc.  I tend to discuss things as women do.  This drives hubby crazy.  He is a computer nerd, non artisty, point A to point B, gay man, who is more like a stereotypical "straight guy" in terms of temperment, interests, thought patterns, and discussion style.  

I drive my spouse nuts with all my discussing and thinking in very verbal (and sometimes emotional and metaphoric) circles.  I find this fun, enlightening, and worthwhile.  He finds it tedious.  He is very fun and playful and keeps me from flying off into the stratosphere.   So, we are, despite our extreme differences, an interesting match.

Stereotypical "men are like this" "women are like that" pronouncements can be (in general) true and instructive.  They are, nonetheless, stereotypes.  And so, we must beware of them.  But it's hard not to fall back on such observations, since we do (as humans) tend to naturally view things and people in such a way.

Maybe helping to avoid stereotypes and providing a diverging view to such stereotyping is one of the functions of gay folks, artist types, etc.  We do tend to be different, bend and expand norms, require people to see and relate different, etc.  That is an interesting and perhaps valid assessment of the usefulness of people who are on the edges of normalcy (or at least society's perceptions of normalcy).  

Perhaps the spectrum of normalcy can include much more, and those who have traditionally been thought to be outsiders can help the world to see this.  Perhaps the world's notions of normal and normal roles (and relating) can be expanded by wider acceptance of variation.

OK, so men and women, in general, have different communication styles, different ways of filtering and processing info, different views of what is important in a conversation or consideration of a topic.  And, perhaps "outsiders," such as gay folks and artist types (as the world grows and becomes more tolerant) can help to expand our notion of how men and women might communicate and relate.  And, one would imagine, greater variety of expression and less rigidity of roles would surely be a good thing.  

Now, on to the question of who is more objective, men or women?   

Hmmm... that is hard to say.  Maybe both men and women, with their different ways of observing, valuing and discussing can, can together add maximum objectivity.  Again, artists and gay persons might add even more objectivity.  All views and approaches are valuable.  So a stereotypical man, woman, gay person, and artist would all provide interesting views of a given topic.  

All of these would be good to have at a party, where a given topic was being discussed.  With each of these view and vantage points represented, one would get quite full and objective coverage of a given topic!   So, invite them all to your party... and as many sorts and types of persons as you can muster.  This, I think is a great lesson and metaphor, for us all.

How is that for an answer to your question?!?

You asked:

"What is it you have spent your entire life trying to do?"

Well, an online friend recently ripped me to shreds because (if I understand him correctly) he objects to the fact that I am always on a journey.  It is, apparently, an anathema to him that I am always formulating how I feel about things.  It is apparently not acceptable to him that my spiritual and moral view is constantly in flux and on the move.  To him this is somehow unseemly.  

In my friend's view, I should know who I am from the beginning, and stick to that all along.  If I experiment, journey, and gradually evolve, then I will arrive at the end of my journey knowing many things, but being nothing.  I find his view incomprehensible, unrealistic, and not what being a human being is all about.  

I will grant my friend that certain things, certain moral issues (Like being honest, kind, loving, etc.) ought to be with us all along and stay with us, I freely admit that I am to a great extent, at least up to this point, in great flux.  I search, seek, adjust my view, life, philosophy, etc., as I learn, experience, experiment, evolve and grow.  I think that is what I came here to do, and suspect it is what most all of us came here to do.  

To know it all up front would be nice.  I even wrote a piece about how I wish that we did not have to cross the River of Forgetting before coming here.  But we do cross that River, and learning and growing, in my view, is what human life is all about.  And, this is why religions, with their dogmas, certaintly and rigidity, in my opinion, have it wrong, and cause so much violence and suffering here on earth.

Succinctly as possible, I am on an ongoing journey to know myself, who I am, what I think about things, why I came here, who or what is God, how I relate to the world, what the world is, what the meaning of existence is, etc.  I came here to (gradually, since humans take a bit of time to learn!) figure out what sort of life would "fit me" and then to manifest that life.  

In so doing, I will be my full, loving, balanced, peaceful, creative, happy, loving self.  And, since we all are linked and one, when I am flowing in this life, I will bless the world with creativity, good energy and vibes (and thus give others "permission" to do the same).  

I came here to be on a journey doing what I just mentioned, and be transparent (write, create and teach, during and based upon that journey) and thus help others with their own journeys.  I have, on some level, known this all my life.  It has become increasingly clear that this is what, as you have said, "I have spent my life trying to do."

I have discovered many things about me, the world, others, life, God, etc.  What I know and understand is indeed always in flux, since I am always evolving, watching, processing, writing, conceptualizing, feeling, etc.

Here is what I know so far, succinctly:

I am very verbal, very thought-oriented, but also quite experiential.  I am (in this incarnation) a gay man, who loves variety in all things.  I love to try things, especially creative things.  I do not necessarily want to continue with everything I try, but I want to try many things.  I love color, food, art in many genres, playing many instruments, singing, composing, orchestrating, writing, making recordings and films, decorating, etc.   I am very drawn to both spirit and eros, and do not necessarily see these as separate.  

I see all things as spiritual, including the mundane and the unpleasant.  I suspect that God is not sentient and is rather, simply a reflective force... but the human me wants him to be sentient and "Daddy."  I cannot imagine that a good God judges anyone.  

I am, more and more, very simple in my theology, believing that God (even if he's a non-sentient, reflective force) is simply unconditional love.  I know this is contradictory, but there we have it.  Many things about life, God and existence are contradictory, or seem to be so in our limited, human understanding.  I hope, in the end, that there is an afterlife (as NDEs bear witness to) and that all will become clear in this ending.  

I ask for a highly protected life that is blessed, abundant and interesting, but calm and quiet.  The more I ask for this, the more it comes to me.  I hope to have a long and full life.  At the end of it, I ask to go peacefully (with doggie and spouse) right to "heaven," if there is such a place.  

I do not want any more lives.  I am by no means suicidal, but do ask (each day as a part of my daily prayer litany) that this be my last incarnation. I enjoy life, but I'm ready to go home, when it is my time.  Once home, I hope to have complete rest, peace, calm, and loving bliss.  If I create some or help others some in heaven, that might be nice... but I will leave that to God and the angels (if such things exist) to help me decide about this, when that time comes.

Now, back to my current life, me, who I currently am and what I seek in this life:

I am very sensitive, want to be on good terms with all, feel very sad if I displease anyone or make them mad or sad.  I want to help and uplift others with my thoughts and creations, must create, must follow my muse, need much flexibility in life and schedule (but also a default mode and self determined routine).

I want to be alone all day with my self/muse/little doggie, with much quiet and soft gentle lighting.  Teaching a few students at the end of day is good for me (but not too early... it must be in the evening).  Then I want to eat, talk, and cuddle with hubby.

I need for my life to be calm, balanced, filled with just the right proportion of rest, prayer, attention to my body, contact with the world (in a non-intrusive way, such as DA), chores, creating, communicating with hubby, care of doggie and hubby, intimacy (such as cuddling), etc.  And this balance I must attempt to find, more and more, making my default mode schedule closer and closer to what is "right for me."  

This is a huge goal for me, since it allows me to be rested, at peace and thus able to listen to God, Muse, self, etc.   Thus I grow, create, and am healthy.  This may sound selfish, but it is not.  It is my life's work. Through it, I survive, create, am transparent, share, help and teach.  This is what Mertons do!  It is what I came to do, I suspect, what many people came here to do… but the world thinks that people came here to pay bills, be worker bees in hierarchies, be the lifeblood which keeps companies wealth flowing and going.  We must look at the big picture.  

We must make a life that fits us and allows us to give our best to the world, even if the way we find we must live does not fit with what the world expects.  The world will surely label us as selfish, lazy, eccentric, mad, dangerous, or any number of unpleasant titles if we diverge from what is the norm or expected.  But diverge we must if we want to survive, give our best, create, help and bless in the best, most balanced, healthy way, long term.  

Whether I knew it or not at the very beginning, the above many paragraphs illustrate (in great detail) is what "I have spent my whole life trying to do."  I have very gradually come to know and understand the things I write of above.  I have more and more shaped myself and my life with this understanding.   I said I was going to try to be succinct, but that is tough for Mertons!  Wink.

You wrote:

"I'm sure you will continue to educate me in your very dangerous and diverse ways...smiles!...thank you for your time and energy...I like your mind"

I thank you so much for your kind words.  Since the online friend I referred to just ripped me to shreds, your statements were quite uplifting to me!

Two requests:

1.
Please tell me what VBS is!  Lol.

2.
In future, if you can stand to do so, please use more paragraphs.  I'm old and find it hard to read long paragraphs!  Wink.

I do not measure success in terms of dollars and cents either.  The many things I do are all part of me.  Some make money, some don't.  Some bring in a lot of bacon, some just a little.  That is cool.

I wish you the best of luck with all your career/work endeavors, this week.

-Merton

P.S.  I talk to strangers, or friends whom I will likely never meet in person, too.  Lol.  Our poor mothers! Wink.

P.S.S.  I am gonna publish this in my journal and as a deviation, as I often do.  If you are going be a writer's friend, you are grist for the literary wheel… or at least his responses to your queries are!