MERTON RECIEVES HIS NEW BELOVED LETTER SERIES
A string of letters about new love, just shy of presentation for Valentines Day, but still in the general vicinity of this years holiday celebrating love.
After a year of his life virtually falling apart and being whooshed away (seemingly by the hand of God), Merton now receives his new beloved. There was much confusion, a quick and surreal making of a good, new (but lonely) life, many tears and many prayers… especially for a new beloved (since Mertons like to be alone with their muse during the day with lots of creating, but not alone at night!). This new series of letters to my dear friend R chronicles the arrival of the much awaited beloved, who, for purposes of privacy, we shall call "B."
This series is a little late for Valentines Day, yet still is pertinent, since Valentines Day is still in our consciousness. It chronicles the typical Merton trusting and "jumping in the pool" (in this case as regards a new relationship and life partnership).
Yes, wonderfully, God, the Universe, guardian angel (or somebody "up there") has sent Merton's new beloved. Who hoo for prayer and manifesting! Thank heavens. Little Mertons were so sad, all alone in their pretty (but too solitary) new city studio. Now it is truly a home, because the one prayed for is here, and a new life is beginning!
That was an interesting letter, R.
I had a long talk with B tonight. He might come for a visit to see if we like each other. So far the things I like about him (that seem positives) are (not in order of importance):
He is my age, lives only one state over, would be willing to live here, is college educated in something sort of arts-related (landscape design), and likes to draw/paint/sculpt. He read my profile and felt like I had described what he wants to a T. As well, he is looking for a soulmate for life, too.
B values being employed, but just lost his job. He seems smart, is shy (and I like shy guys), yet can express himself and make conversation well.
He is seeking intimacy and commitment, is lonely as I am, and needs someone in his life right now. So do I. Both of our lives fell apart recently, so we understand how that feels and understand each other. And, we both had an owl come visit us just before everything fell apart (isn't that strange?)!
We'll see if he comes to visit and if so what happens.
Any thoughts? Hoping you do not think I am crazy asking him to come visit. I figure, what have I got to lose? Why not see if we like each other. It is a little bit mail order bride-ish and I am sure all the therapists in the world would say, "bad idea." But to me it sounds nice to have company and to take a chance. The worst that could happen is we find out we are not a match, and he can go visit a friend he has here in Indy.
Maybe he will walk up the stairs and just not go home like D did. Who knows! Silly, spontaneous, probably not the most wise Merton. I am kind of a risk taker. (Maybe I am just foolish). I dunno. I don't even know for sure if he is coming yet. Sounds nice to have someone to sit with in the evenings and make spaghetti for to me.
B is here and it is all very new. We are getting to know each other and settling into a new routine. Making it up as we go along. B has an interview with unemployment to discuss an issue this morning by telephone.
I am going to go back to sleep for a bit, then up to get ready for a program. B is going to go with me. Then it is the apartment office to pick up some keys, home for some dinner, a nap and some minutia.
B is very sweet and cute. We both have been very lonely in our lives and it is very nice not to be lonely. Both of us are kinda scared with everything so new and various issues in our lives. B thinks I am very blessed and is impressed that I have pulled so much together so quickly after the breakup with D. It is nice that someone is impressed.
I will be thinking about you today, dear R, and sending you good thoughts and prayers. I showed B your picture and told him all about you. He looks like and reminds me of Tom Hulce, the actor who played Mozart in Amadeus. He has very thick, blondish hair.
K, that is enough for now. Gotta zzzz a bit more.
B is darling, a really good artist, smart and educated. I am so pleased. We had lots of cuddling etc., last night. A big day today (B did some chores for me, went with me to my program, then out to buy a TV for the living room, then home to do some organizing in the apartment to make him more comfortable. We spent some time looking at his art (which is very intricate, sometimes surreal, with his own style, and much better than mine technically). An online page for B should be devised soon, I hope, 'cuz he's really good! He is adorable, I feel like he has always been here and all this time unhappy and alone time was a dream. I hope he will stay on with me here, and just kinda not go home, as happened with D. We'll see... high hopes. He is very affectionate and cuddly and I am loving that...
Please pray all goes well, R, and do not worry about our friendship. All will be well. Give me a little time to adjust and get thing running smoothly here with B and please have patience if I am tardy with writing... if so it will not be that way for long. All will settle down.
I appreciate you and love you as always, dear R. You are my dear dear friend. All is well.
I do feel so much better with B here. Please pray. Sending good thoughts and prayers as always...
Performance went well today, btw...
Merton Silly Boy
Big day yesterday, R... we made room for all of Bs stuff, reorganized the kitchen completely (that is going to be B's room complete with a gallery of his art, which is much better than mine... he is really super good).
I went through my clothes and gave him a whole bunch of mine, since I have way too many). B is kinda taking over all sorts of domestic things which I think is wonderful. He is a great cook, very sweet, cute and adorable. I feel so blessed and lucky.
We bought the TV for the living room, put all the stuff that I had in the kitchen for daily work and minutia in the living room desk, redid Bs resume, looked through job ads, and sent off a resume to one. Both of us had tears at separate times.
So much happened all in just a few days. Not quite sure what to think or feel except incredibly grateful, relieved and certain that God answers prayers. I am not that shocked, since this is just how it happened with D.
We are working on a new morning routine and day/evening routine, working on solving some issues in Bs life, and going with the flow.
Getting ready to teach right now (D: adult voice and E: my sweet autistic teen that I help with guitar and writing/art).
Better scoot. I will do letters soon. We were up till four am last night and are gonna try to get to a good evening routine and bedtime tonight. I will probably continue to do letters in the evening.
Sending you love and good thoughts as always, dear R.
A lot going on right now... getting all sorts of things in shape in the house, helping B with a bunch of things... gave him a haircut today, had a performance, had to go get some keys for him, etc... getting together kitchen for him so he can cook for us, etc... we are both a little overwhelmed but making good progress... just got home and B making dinner and I have to practice for my gig.
Thinking of you, and sending you good thoughts and prayers. Gonna go practice now and eat dinner...
Utterly innundated and still workin out all sorts of stuff. Pausing here to just let you know I am thinking of you. I look at your picture and send you a little prayer each time I pass it.
B and I reorganizing whole apartment, completely outfitted kitchen, getting my antique drop leaf table since B wants a proper table and cooks like a madman chef. I am getting so spoiled, R. I do not want him to go out and get a job. I want him to stay home with me and cook, cuddle, talk about life and art, make art, read books together, etc. Silly newlyweds here.
First fuss today, which B liked, silly boy. Very interesting relationship developing.
We are getting all dressed up so my grammie can meet B and we are going to my T program together. B is all the things I asked for and I seem to be what he was asking for in his prayers.
Ok, gotta scoot...
Ty R, dear...
I do appreciate your understanding to much! B Bear, as I call him, is lying hear snoozing beside me, and I am beside myself with pure joy. Ty so much for your patience. It is rather like a honeymoon, but very busy with all sorts of preparations, changes, reorganizing, etc., too. We are very quickly (thanks to room zoom Merton... you know how I am with my spontaneity and productiveness when I get really focused) pulling together a life.
Today, B met my grammie and my Aunt M and I could tell they liked him. Grammie whispered to me that B is handsome, and he is, as well as many other things like smart, a good artist, a fantastic cook (I am going to weigh four thousand pounds, which B will probably love since he likes chubby fellows exclusively).
I had blood sugar problems tonight at my performance, though, and I realize I must always eat before performing now. We stopped and got gas for Bs butch truck and some snacks for me to have with me at all times. It was scary, R. I felt in a fog, felt like I could not hear my guitar, and was worried I would not make it through my performance. I did, but I told B how scared I was and that I had to do better with my blood sugar, eating more often etc.
I do like your piece. It is striking and very fun. I sent you a fav on it. Congratulations. There is something about his cats, isn't there?
I kow you said not to, but I will go through and look at what you sent to me. When is the c?
B and I stopped by D's house to pick up my beautiful drop leaf Victorian table for our front room to eat at, since B needs a proper table to serve his way better than restaurant quality meals upon. Sadly it is in disrepair... warping and finish problems... it had been out in the shed. But I cleaned it all up and we will try to glue it. It will do for now, but may need to be replaced, ultimately.
R, I absolutely adore B. Falling head over heels. Silly Merton. Say a prayer for us, please. I am encouraging B to have a Deviant Art page. We shall see...
K, gonna go look at your notes, even though I am not supposed to...
Silly Head over Heels Merton
Thank you for such a sweet note. I really appreciate your love and good wishes. B is just adorable, and is everything I prayed for. He is looking for work now, but of course, I just want him to stay here by my side, often as possible. All will work out for the best though.
B is taking very good care of me, and I am doing my best to see that he is happy, content, loved and cared for at all times. Fingers crossed. I think we stand a good chance for happiness on into the sunset. I am really hoping so and trying to do my part to insure this. No guarantees in life, but I am trying to learn from my last two relationships.
Your blog looks good. The black really shows up the pieces so well. Much better than this silly church basement green that DA has! My friend N (my hearing impaired artist, decorator friend with whom I was very close for some time) used to joke about church basement green. That was my term for it, because you see so many church basements painted this color. They must get it on sale, because its so ugly! Lol.
B gone till Tuesday. All by my lonesome. He is going to get some furniture and various things. I am missing him. I am working on putting up his art all over the house. Started it today and will work on it over the weekend (as well as teach). I might sort of matte them with colorful textured/linen like paper. Finished putting his art in the bathroom living room. Making a gallery in the kitchen (which we redid completely and is now his room... he's the cook, or should I say chef. I am going to be so spoiled).
My diabetes is getting worse, R. B makes sure I eat regularly and well. I was really scared when I almost did not make it through my performance last night. I think maybe God might have sent B in the nick of time, cuz I am having trouble. I am helping B a lot too in many ways. I think we need each other and are a good match... very much a like.
K, I am going to go eat a little more and maybe get under the covers and watch Charlie Rose or something.
K, R, dear... thats the latest. I got my groove back tonight and did well performing. So glad after last night and my blood sugar attack right in the middle of a performance. You almost got your Merton nervous breakdown (that we talked about some time back) in the middle of a performance! I was kinda freaking inside. Though the audience did not seem to notice and all wanted hugs afterwards... so I must have done ok.
K, nuff for now...
Merton Head over Heels in Love Silly Diabetic Boy
PS. B actually rocks me in bed at night and pats me sort of ryhthmically. I have never experienced anything like that and it is really super comforting. I wonder if that is not what everyone needs... to be rocked and patted at night. Hmmm....
I am trying hard not to make the same mistakes I did with D... I am really trying to make sure B is happy, paid attention to, loved... pretty much whatever B wants he is going to get. I am trying not to be selfish or self absorbed. And he is taking really good care of me and spoiling me rotten).
K, really enuff for now-
Hi R, dear,
Well, I fell asleep without brushing teeth and awoke to Classic Arts Showcase on the TV... watched several things and then it showed this very silly and long Gilbert and Sullivan medley from the sixities (it looked like) with two male singers (kinda amusing and nelly... very droll!) and a very dressed to the T choir in the background... all sorts of hats and props.
I have had the sound down at night with B here, but sound back up since I am back in lonely Merton land for a few days.
Do you like Glibert and Sullivan?
I am the very model of a modern major general!
I am the very synthesis of silly arty __________ hmmm... what rhymes with syntheis?!? Princeliness?
I'm swooshing fabric, framing photos, knick knacking every space in sight, I think of art and music from setting sun till dawns grey light, I must make every corner brim with beauty whimsy what a plight! I am the very synthesis of silly arty princeliness!
How's that? Me (and you... and most every other gay guy on the planet) in Gilbert and Sullivan style! Wink.
B is a bit straight guy in some ways (which of course I love). He does not understand pillows and fabric swooshed everywhere (and rugs and paperweights etc.) But he does get art and music and literature, thank God.
K, I will try to go back to sleep now. Please send B home safely and soon thoughts, prayers and vibes, R. I think I might die without him! B says I am not to make him my Universe, but of course I am. Silly Merton. I always do that.
K, back to zzzzz now.
Peace to R-
Ty R dear for your kind words regarding B and myself.
I really appreciate that. He passed the Merton test (yup I do think I have a heightened awareness of match or not), the Grammie and Aunt M test (Grammie whispered he was handsome and that is a good sign, wink)... Mom and Dad test next (B will be cooking for them I think, something vegetarian).
Tuesday B will bring all sorts of stuff back to do the finishing touches on the apartment and the combining of our lives. He has a job interview on Wednesday. Big weekend and week next week for little Bs and Mertons (that comes from Merty... D and I used to say big day (or yawn, lol) for a little doggie... or some little doggie ____________ (fill in the blank). This gets turned into "some little boyfriend" when speaking of the beloved. I enjoy adapted doggie/daddy talk applied to humans... that is fun.
Regarding your upcoming medical stuff, I bet all will be well. No matter what happens, you know I will be here to tell any troubles or worries to. I will be rooting for you and sending good thoughts and prayers.
Everything will be ok, R, dearest. Try not to worry.
Ok, I called my gig regarding tonight (lounge singing). Here is hoping my blood sugar does not go haywire. I am going to have a sandwich before the gig, so that will help. I better go and eat something now. I have to do better with eating, testing, etc.
I am, I think, going to work more on B's art today (making prints, maybe some colorizing, framing, etc.). He is so good R. Some of his portraits are so finely wrought, that they really look like photographs. Kind of amazing.
K, food for little Mertons...
Love to R-
Solitude really is an interesting and pertinent topic to the human condition, to evolution of the spirit, to creating, etc. We do not get much of it in our world, or one has to seek it, value it, etc... and we resist it.
However, once we experience its value, we understand. I think some people never really experience it or understand it. There really is a difference between solitude and loneliness. And, we are so afraid of loneliness that many times we miss the gifts of solitude.
I am missing B right now, but I do know that this time is good and important. I have some time to reflect, work on the big B art project, appreciate B from a distance, see and know myself, listen for God and muse etc.
None of this is new for you or for me. We know what I have just said... still good to write it out, and hopefully good for you to read.
Love to R,
Merton very Human Artist Silly Guy