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Submitted on
December 25, 2013


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Wed Dec 25, 2013, 12:19 PM



Merton extends greetings, and sort of details where he "is at" in his life on Christmas Day.  He is still home with the crud, and sort of thinking about his life.  Where are you in your life, dear friends, visitors and readers?   The new year is almost here.  Time for taking stock, New Years resolutions, etc.


R  = my friend to whom I am writing, and to whom I have written many letters
B   = my partner (in life, art, music, performing)
Bd =  the town in which my partners children live, which we visit frequently


Dear R,

The kids had us up at six thirty am to watch them open presents via skype, so we are zonked today and zzzzzzzzzz, but a little voice said, after getting up to go potty to send you a note and let you know that we got the art you sent in the mail. Very nice and and thank you!

Hope you are having a nice Christmas day. My chest is getting better and my throat feels a lot better, so I am on the mend. Still not feeling ready to go out in the cold, travel, sing,etc., but that is what I must do starting tomorrow, then our trip to Bd on Sunday. So send prayers. Hopefully all will be well, no relapse, and I will bet better and better each day, despite what is required.

Watched the classic 1964 Rudolph animated Christmas special with B's little one yesterday on Skype and was amazed at the metaphoric meaning for those of us on the fringe of society. Interesting.

All presents are wrapped now and ready for the children (which as I shared with you contain lots of original art). That was a lot of work, much more than I anticipated.  Everything looks very nice and I think shows all the work, time, effort that we put into this project.

Speaking of art, I am making a lot of progress on finishing up the twelve or thirteen drawings that I posted not too long ago (some of which were done enough to post, but still needing, in the typical, artisty "a piece is never quite done" view) some finishing touches. Now almost all of them completely inked, with added details. Now comes the decision to colorized them, or not. They look good as pen and ink drawings, but will be more impactful, I imagine, if colorized. Perhaps I will colorize them little by little over the course of this year.

B finished some of his drawings (by colorizing them), that he had not worked on for a long time and gave art prints of them as Christmas gifts.  He created a couple other paintings and gave the originals as gifts.  I virtually never give the original, since I cannot part with originals (bad Buddhist that I am).  He is much more able to do a piece and then give it away lock stock and barrel.  But anyway, the Christmas season was busy with lots of art making and art finishing. It was both good and a lot of work!  We are going, I hope, to start right away this year, on Christmas for next year, so the next holiday season is not as much work and stress.

I am anxious for everything to be all normal, B and I used to each other, health insurance all worked out, performing/student spots filled, us used to what is required to do the performing/teaching (and chores), financial things all worked out and hunky dory. It sure has been an uphill climb getting everything in our lives worked out and getting us used to so much being different, for both of us.

I do feel like my life is rather a dream, not really real.  It is as though I blinked my eyes, and suddenly I am in a different time track:  a different Merton, with different life, surroundings, loved ones, dramas, stresses, etc.  Hmmm... Maybe all of this here on earth is a hologram, a dream, as some have suggested!  One wonders.

On a side note (but pertinent, still, I think to a Christmas, rather taking stock of things sort of letter) I watched some videos on Youtube ("that" part of Youtube) which suggested all sorts of wild things. I just sort of filed them away in that collection of things in my mind which are a part of my ongoing discernment process concerning spiritual, apocalyptic, metaphysical things.

I do see some synchonicities in things that I have read, things that have happened, things that I have encountered in conversations, etc., lately.  And, it is good and important to pay attention to synchronicities.  However, I think I have finally learned not to get too worked up about these sorts of things (at least I hope I have).  Who knows what is "really" happening, what will happen, etc. Heaven only knows. "We'll see... meanwhile, on with life,"  I think is the proper response, I believe.  A less reactive, more balanced, wait and see Merton?  We'll see about that, too!  Lol.

No matter what happens in my life, the world, life in general, I suppose I will try to go on cheering people up with music, teaching, drawing, wrting, evolving, no matter what happens... even if I have to barter, do it unconventionally, or even be like Frederick the Fieldmouse and help the other mice dream of the spring, as one of the books of my childhood (which I have never forgotten) suggested.

B and I spent many hours, whole days and evenings, really, on Skype with the little one (nine years old), while I have been sick.  She is very attached to B, and now me. I am glad we can help her. We have been trying to help her (she has been very upset and acting out at home and at school) by spending time on Skype, helping her with her homework, working on her math skills, encouraging her to read to us, teaching her the meaning of words, etc.  She is very lonely, despite a house full of people at her home. All there are very busy with their separate devices, interests, tasks, etc. Is this not the modern malady?  So connected, yet so alone and even lonely!  I am not used to being a parent. Interesting.  I think I am learning a lot.

K, back to Christmas day zzzzzzzzzz and trying to get me all better. My throat feels sore again, suddenly.Send prayers and good thoughts for my recovery, please!


auronstalker Jan 4, 2014  Hobbyist General Artist
Oh no, you got sick too? So did I, I got the flu and then it turned into a weird chest cold, and I'm still not over it, and I'm also really freezing cold all the time.

I heard some interesting criticisms of the '64 Rudolph special. Rudolph is only accepted by his peers when he has proven himself to be useful to his society - a better message would be if he was accepted regardless of his usefulness.

Maybe that's a bit too cynical for a cute christmas special though. I still like it and I don't think that's the only way it can be interpreted. It can also just be a "follow your dreams" message. The criticism did give me something to think about though, and how people who are "different" in our society are often only appreciated when they "contribute" something useful. Otherwise, they just remain outcasts. I've always been resentful of that, though I couldn't entirely articulate it until now. I've really never felt any desire or duty to "contribute" anything to society...I wonder if that makes  me a horrible seems so taboo to say. What will become of me, I wonder, without this drive?

It sounds very nice that you and B are helping his 9 year old. I struggled with loneliness a lot when I was younger, but I actually think part of it was just growing up in a society which values extroversion over introversion. After I accepted that I'm extremely introverted, and stopped pressuring myself to be extroverted, I wasn't as lonely. But I'm also pretty antisocial, not just introverted. So that's just me.

I hope you feel better soon!

Lauren :)
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